Just a little city I love

Oxford. 
Every time someone mentions the name I stop. I can be fifty feet away from the persons speaking of this city, and I still stop and try to insert myself into the conversation. This obsession has concerned me at times, because I can't tell why I'm obsessed with one location. 





I have a wanderlust problem. I don't sit still well, and I don't stay in one place well. So normally I'm just thinking of anywhere but where I'm at (I apparently also have a problem with contentedness), but when it comes to this year and last, I was almost always perfectly content to be in Oxford (roommate issues aside), and this year, I consistently want to be there. Not just anywhere else. There, a specific location.
That's never happened before. 

I left for an international trip the first time when I was six. Canada. Again when I was nine. England and Scotland (my first taste of Oxford). Again when I was eighteen. (Italy, France, England (Cambridge this time). Again at twenty-two. (My year abroad). So I've got this wanderlust thing figured out.

wanderlust - (wan-der-lust) 
ˈwändərˌləst
noun
A strong desire to travel, e.g.: consumed by wanderlust.


Like I said, I'm a pro. 









What I can't decide is, do I miss the place?

Do I miss the friends? 


Do I miss the activities, the fun, the history, the libraries, the independence? 





Or is it more than that? Was being there a time when I felt so intrinsically myself that I'm having trouble recreating that personage? I know I was freer there, but was that because I was content with my place and my person, because I wasn't worried about the future, it would take care of itself, because I felt safe? 


Or have I (gasp, heaven forbid), idealized this year, this place, this time, to the point where it looks much better in my head than it really was? Have I taken what I learned and accomplished during a year, and said, "Well, if I managed this there, think what I could do if I went back!" Is this the reason I'm discontent? 

Or do I just have a lot of questions that don't really have an answer. I'm leaning toward this one right now. Yes, I idealize my year, but I'm not entirely sure it doesn't at least partially deserve the idealism. Yes, there were bad things. Of course there were bad things. But I would take all of those bad things back: housemate issues, cultural barriers, even that infernal rain and my perpetually wet feet, just to be back in that place right now. 

I've never thought of myself as a sentimental person. But if we talk too long and too nostagically about Oxford, I get teary sometimes. Right after I was back, during the fall mostly, when someone would mention a particular aspect of Oxford, I would feel this physical pining within me. 


Emotions are powerful things. Don't doubt them please. If I have an emotional connection to this place, I'd be wrong to tell myself I shouldn't have that connection and to "just move on with my life" as some tell me I should.

All I know is this:

Oxford: I'm coming back. Don't worry, I'm not gone for long.