Remembering...

I have a really bad habit of getting caught up in everyday life. Letting the little things get to me. The little frustrations. Okay, in the moment, they're big frustrations. A friend reminded me of this verse the other day:
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation,and uphold me with a willing spirit."Psalm 51:12 ESV

Who am I to forget that the center of my world should rightly be God? His salvation is the only thing that truly matters.

"Jehovah liveth; and blessed be my rock; And exalted be the God of my salvation"
Psalm 18:46, ASV

I've really been struggling though this last two months. The recital, work, homework, class schedule, emotional turmoil, all of it has really been waying me down. And now I have this solo artist competition on Saturday. I have really been losing sight of my true focus in life. And the piano work wasn't going so smoothly. In late September I was given a 19 page Bach concerto to memorize for the competition. Up until last night, I was still unsure whether or not I would have everything ready and secure.
Then last night in the middle of practice, I remembered...

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
- Phillipians 4:13 NKJV

God is my strength. My strength is not my own.
And right there I prayed. I spent 15 minutes just sitting in my practice room praying quietly.
And the music?
Beautiful. I saw that concerto in a new light last night. Up until last night it was the technically difficult, slightly flashy little piece that fit my personality that was good for the competition.
But last night I saw God in my music. I saw the long way my memorization skills have come in the last two months, how my patience (against my will) has developed, and I experienced a joy that few understand. The joy that comes from a truly beautiful piece of music, and the ability to share it with yourself, and to share yourself through your music with God. I thank God so deeply, for the gift he's given to me, and for giving me a gift that is so easily shared with others. I don't know where my gifts will take me in life, I don't know how much longer my hands will work, but I hope that while they do still work, I remember to thank God for them every day.

No matter the outcome of my competition on Saturday, whether I win the spot with LSO or not, I feel I've won. I've had a great challenge, and have met it, not through my own strength, but by learning to depend more fully on God. It seems it's a lesson God has to teach me over and over again. I can only hope someday it gets through my thick head.

"I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy"
-The Valley Song, Jars of Clay