Just a little city I love

Oxford. 
Every time someone mentions the name I stop. I can be fifty feet away from the persons speaking of this city, and I still stop and try to insert myself into the conversation. This obsession has concerned me at times, because I can't tell why I'm obsessed with one location. 





I have a wanderlust problem. I don't sit still well, and I don't stay in one place well. So normally I'm just thinking of anywhere but where I'm at (I apparently also have a problem with contentedness), but when it comes to this year and last, I was almost always perfectly content to be in Oxford (roommate issues aside), and this year, I consistently want to be there. Not just anywhere else. There, a specific location.
That's never happened before. 

I left for an international trip the first time when I was six. Canada. Again when I was nine. England and Scotland (my first taste of Oxford). Again when I was eighteen. (Italy, France, England (Cambridge this time). Again at twenty-two. (My year abroad). So I've got this wanderlust thing figured out.

wanderlust - (wan-der-lust) 
ˈwändərˌləst
noun
A strong desire to travel, e.g.: consumed by wanderlust.


Like I said, I'm a pro. 









What I can't decide is, do I miss the place?

Do I miss the friends? 


Do I miss the activities, the fun, the history, the libraries, the independence? 





Or is it more than that? Was being there a time when I felt so intrinsically myself that I'm having trouble recreating that personage? I know I was freer there, but was that because I was content with my place and my person, because I wasn't worried about the future, it would take care of itself, because I felt safe? 


Or have I (gasp, heaven forbid), idealized this year, this place, this time, to the point where it looks much better in my head than it really was? Have I taken what I learned and accomplished during a year, and said, "Well, if I managed this there, think what I could do if I went back!" Is this the reason I'm discontent? 

Or do I just have a lot of questions that don't really have an answer. I'm leaning toward this one right now. Yes, I idealize my year, but I'm not entirely sure it doesn't at least partially deserve the idealism. Yes, there were bad things. Of course there were bad things. But I would take all of those bad things back: housemate issues, cultural barriers, even that infernal rain and my perpetually wet feet, just to be back in that place right now. 

I've never thought of myself as a sentimental person. But if we talk too long and too nostagically about Oxford, I get teary sometimes. Right after I was back, during the fall mostly, when someone would mention a particular aspect of Oxford, I would feel this physical pining within me. 


Emotions are powerful things. Don't doubt them please. If I have an emotional connection to this place, I'd be wrong to tell myself I shouldn't have that connection and to "just move on with my life" as some tell me I should.

All I know is this:

Oxford: I'm coming back. Don't worry, I'm not gone for long. 

Brand New Thoughts

I've been reflecting recently on where life is sending me next year. Americorps, Oxford, graduate school and programs galor, I have no idea how to get where I want to go in the next few years. I've discovered some fresh thoughts, perspectives, outlooks may be in need. These are the musings of a girl deciding to hunt for the new perspective, the untrodden viewpoint. Join me while I keep things fresh, and try to figure out what life after Jewell looks like, or what it doesn't look like.